Last Thursday was supposed to be chemo treatment #2, and I was ready for the official “I’m half way done!” dance. However, when I spoke with my doctor before treatment she said that my blood counts were too low to go forward with chemotherapy that day. To be specific, my platelet count was waaaay too low. Chemotherapy causes my blood counts to plummet, but I was reassured that the platelets will bounce back on there own. So we had to reschedule my chemo and I have to go in for regular blood tests so my doctors can monitor my counts. This has also made me slightly anemic … bleh.
Some of the symptoms of having low blood counts are being super tired, bruising very easily and maybe even some bleeding (bloody nose, blood when I brush my teeth, etc.). I was wondering why I was feeling so tired lately, and I was getting winded walking to the car. Well now I know! What I am bummed about is there is really nothing I can do to help my platelets along, just get lots of rest and make sure I eat my protein. My doctor said she has seen counts go up in just a few days, but sometimes it can take a week or two. Sigh.
I was a little heart broken when I was told we have to postpone my second chemotherapy treatment. It means that my end date is also postponed, which means I have to wait that much longer for this to be over. Grrr! I’m did my best to feel discouraged and to just accept that these kind of things are out of my control. I had to trust that everything is going exactly as it should.
Then I thought about one of my guilty pleasures, the TV show ‘TrueBlood’. (Is anyone watching the start of the fifth season right now?? Sooo good!!). Why can’t I just drink a bottle of TrueBlood to get my levels back up? The instant cure! TrueBlood is a ‘main stream’ beverage made of synthetic blood marketed to Vampires so they don’t have to feed off humans and can co-exist in peace. What I wouldn’t do to get my hands on one of those so I can start my next chemo treatment ASAP! Too bad it’s just a TV show.
One of the benefits of postponing chemotherapy was that I got to enjoy the last beautiful hot day in Oregon before the rain came in. I actually have a tan now! This is especially beneficial when I am slightly anemic. You can’t even tell, lol! Instead of treatment last Thursday, my husband and I went to the country club to spend the afternoon laying out in the sun with a gorgeous view of the river. It was heavenly.
Although, I was expecting it to be awkward hanging out at a country cub while having a cancer. I wore one my new scarves around my head, and even though I love my scarf, I feel like the look has “Cancer Patient” written all over it. If there was any place to feel out of place it would be a country club, right? Actually, it wasn’t so bad. I noticed that I have really learned to let go social stigmas and vanity while going through this experience. What I love even more is that most people don’t even care that I wear a scarf! I don’t know why I assume people will point and stare. That has NEVER happened. Walking up to the front doors I was a little self conscious, but as soon I made my entrance I felt like nothing could touch me. Even sitting around super skinny college girls in their Ralph Lauren bikinis didn’t make me flinch! I just sipped on my cocktail with my sunglasses not caring about my scarf, and in fact feeling like I didn’t have a care in the world. It was lovely!
There was something I was jealous of the Ralph Lauren bikini girls … I couldn’t help but overhear them chatting about boys, their parents, classes, their career futures and such. I tried to remember back to a time when all I worried about was my job and boys. Even though I felt that a mess at the time, life was so simple back then! Now my conversations with my friends revolve around how I am feeling, my treatments, dealing with illness, etc. Not that this is a bad thing, but it’s just how things are when you have cancer. In Cancer World, I make a mental imagine in my head of me and my make-believe college girlfriends laying out in the sun in our tiny bikinis and super tan bodies, and I say “Oh yeah, my blood counts are, like, totally low right now. My doctor said I couldn’t do chemo, and I was totally, like, ‘As if!'”. Haha! That would never happen in real life. Or would it? The movie ‘Clueless’ meets ’50/50′? 🙂
So I am spending this rainy Oregon weekend hanging out at home, snuggled up with a blanket and cheering on my platelets. Go platelets!! Multiply! You can do it! Think positive platelet thoughts! Geez, I didn’t know blood could be such a downer sometimes. Thank you to everyone for keeping me and my blood platelets in your prayers.