It’s been a little over one week since my last radiation appointment, but it seems like it’s been a month. I started back to work last week, and it was great! Our business is super busy right now, and I only made it two and half days of work before I needed a break. I didn’t realize how much energy my job takes – I passed out in my bed as soon as I got home! I know it will get better as I regain my strength, but wow it was a crazy week. I was so exhausted! It feels so good to be working again, but I had to remind myself that I can’t go from 0 to 60 in one week. Slow and steady wins the race, right?
On my “work” days I only have energy for work, and that’s IT. And it’s difficult. Pre-cancer, my day could consist of work, a morning work out, an evening work out, grocery shopping (or any kind of shopping), cooking dinner and cleaning. Now my days can only consist of one or two major “events” and that’s all. I wish I knew when my energy will be back to normal, but with more treatment still pending, I try not to think about it too much. Right now I just take it day by day! Sometimes it’s hard to be around people who have “normal” energy and can do so many things in one day, and here I am ready for bed at three o’clock in the afternoon. And re-ntroducing myself back into the work force with my short hair can make me a little insecure, but at the end of the day I am who I am and I wouldn’t change a thing! It’s all apart of adjusting to my new life. Letting go of worry about how I look (Hair up? Hair down? Curly, or straight?) has been nice because it’s one less thing to worry about, and I can literally just accept what I see in the mirror versus restyling myself a hundred different ways until I am happy. Losing my hair and having it grow back has been one of the most humbling elements of my journey, for sure!
Another part of adjusting to my new life is making some major decisions regarding my health and the choices that I make every day. I will never know what caused my cancer, but I can’t imagine that the unhealthy lifestyle I was living for many years of my life certainly did not help. I overate, and ate way too much sugar, fat and salt. The result of that was me being over weight and heading down a bad and serious path. I lost weight for my wedding last September, and I felt like I was really ready to start making some big goals for myself. After my wedding, I floundered a bit in the health department, and it seemed like my job and relationships are were starting to fall apart. Then I was diagnosed with cancer, and it seems like the slate was wiped clean for me.
I’m ready now! I’m ready to set big goals and make big changes. I am ready to commit to those the changes every day. The problem? I have NO idea how to do it. I’m not educated in nutrition or exercise. I can get myself started (start moving more and eating less crap), but when it comes to focusing on making big goals, I’m discouraged because I feel like I have no idea how to get there.
Even though I’m scared and intimidated by the idea of changing my life for the better, this WILL NOT stop from changing! I will over come the fear, step out of my comfort zone, and change. I have all the fuel I need, I just need knowledge.
It’s never too late to change, and it’s there’s not limit of how many times one is allowed to start over.
I promise myself that I will NEVER put my health second (or third or fourth) ever again. I will not put my “working life” first like I did before (wake up, go to work, come home, eat crap, go to bed, do it all over again). My health will always be number one, which means going to the gym may be more important to going to work. I would rather go to the gym and be tired at work, then go to work and be too tired for the gym. Healthy meals are more important than cheapness and convenience. I need to be my best self in order to do my best work and live the best life I can.
And so it begins!
Thanks for cheering me on everyone. Lots of love!