Tonight is my final IVF injection, the “trigger” shot. This releases the eggs in the ovaries, and OHSU performs the retrieval 36 hours later. I have to injection at exactly 7:30pm tonight, and the egg retrieval is scheduled for 7:30am on Tuesday.

I wish I was feeling as confident about doing this as I was a week ago. I was only able to produce 3 or 4 follicles (potential eggs), so the chances of successfully fertilizing and making freezable embryos is is much smaller than if I had made more follicles. Some women will produce as many as 40 follicles, which is too many. My biggest fear is that we’ll retrieve all 4 and none of them will able to fertilize. That’s just how it goes sometimes. That’s how Mother Nature rolls. My doctor said that if I had only produced one or two then we probably would not go through with the retrieval at all; it just wouldn’t be worth it. So, I achieved the bare minimum. Whoopie!

For me, my IVF journey will conclude on Tuesday. While most women who go through IVF have the embryo planted back in them for a possible pregnancy, I have to say goodbye to my eggies forever. It’s been four long weeks of filling out paper work, consultations, back and forth with Fertile Hope, FDA testing, being hormonal and the not-so-fun injections. I put my cancer treatments on hold in hopes of creating new life. What if I don’t have anything to show for it?

Ok, maybe that statement is a little over dramatic (sorry, hormones!). I told this to my husband and he assured me that, even if IVF doesn’t work for us, “You have everything to show for it”.  Such a sweetheart! It’s true. We will never have to look back and wish we would have tried fertility treatments before it was too late. We will never have to wonder if there was anything more we could have done. And I can look back on this experience and appreciate how brave I was for trying this in the midst of all the cancer-craziness. And maybe I could console other women and couples who are going the through the same thing.

Whatever happens, this is where my fate has lead me and I won’t question it. When you’re in as deep as I am, being young with cancer and fertility issues, you have to accept that things are the way they are for a reason. You have to have to faith.

I will keep everyone updated on the outcome of the retrieval!

On a side note, my hair hair is growing out an ashy-blond color. It’s crazy! My hair length right now resembles a baby chick. Out of the light it looks like a light brunette, but under the light it looks light blond. And my husband says there is a light blond patch on the crown of my head. I can’t wait to see what it looks like longer!