18 days until my final measurements for my wedding gown … 33 days until my WEDDING!! How did this happen?? What did I do wrong? How can there only be just a few more weeks after this long journey??? I can’t believe it. I would rather re-live the 6 week mark over and over again (think ‘Groundhog’s Day’) than be at my 30 day mark. HOLY CRAP!!! I can’t even explain all of the crazy emotions and feelings rushing through my brain when I repeat to myself … 30 daaaaaaaays.

So what is a bride to do? First, keep calm and be rational. Don’t flip out and give into the pressure.Haha so what did I do over this last weekend? I flipped out, got stressed and gave into the pressure. I slipped up in a stressful panic about my ‘deadline’. I didn’t keep my cool, and I went into self-sabotage mode. I did some very bad things that my hard working body did not like. I went to a dark place that I have not been to in over 5 months. (This was all triggered by the dressing room mirrors at Target, btw). I didn’t want to tell anybody how I was feeling because  was hoping it would just go away …

BUT this is in the past! It’s a new week and I was willing to work off my mistakes. Which I did. Ok, get ready for this …

Monday:

6:15am-7:30am: Worked arm at the gym.

3:30pm-4:15pm: Legs at the gym.

4:30pm-5:30pm: Running, sprinting, lunges.

5:30pm-6:40pm: Running and walking.

Am I tired? EFF YEAH. What is hard? HELL TO THE YES!!! I tried not to complain too much and just let trainer push me like I need to be pushed. I also had some great gals cheering me on – you know who you are!!

I have never had a deadline like this before so I am trying to make if through the best I can. I know there will be more freak-out moments and panicking, but it’s how I bounce back from it that matters. I try to rationalize and be fair to myself, and I think about what kind of advice I would give to a close girlfriend.

One thing I thought of was that if you think about it, our lives are kind of like a deadline. I mean, we are not going to live forever and we really don’t have control over when our last day will be. If I got hit by a car and died a few months ago I would have been PISSED: I never got to look like what I have always dreamed of looking like, and I let myself be fat and lazy to the point of low self-esteem and bad work ethic. That’s not how I want to live my life. That’s not how I was to be remembered. I know I am treading on some heavy dirt here, but seriously – NOW is NOW people!! I’m going to push myself beyond my limits to see how far I can go, and not just in my physical body but in my mind, my career, and my ability to help others. THAT is how I want to be remembered!

I could go on, but I think I will call it a night. I will end this by saying that I am going to continue to push myself out of my comfort zone so I can become the person I want to be instead of staying the person with whom I am unsatisfied. Good night!

-Me, xoxo

 

 

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