I can’t believe I am into my 19th week of my program … 23 pounds down!! And it all started with one little pound lost. I am feeling good and motivated. I got over another *hump* of sporadic cheating with food. Everytime I wander off track and come back, I always come back a little bit stronger than the last time. This time I have learned that I have two different voices in my head: Fat Kathy and New Kathy. Fat Kathy wants to give into cravings and justify cheating with ANY excuse (“My friends are eating it”, “I deserve this after a hard day”, “One little candy won’t hurt”, “I am not going to care just this ONE time”, etc.). New Kathy acknowledges that she knows what she needs to do to succeed and it ready to drop everything and DO IT. Whenever meal time comes around – specifically for me it’s Lunch, Dinner and right after work – Fat Kathy and New Kathy battle it out. It happens within a matter of seconds, and it goes a little something like this:

Fat Kathy: “Eat your healthy lunch, but add some soup!”

New Kathy: “No Kathy. Stick to your plan, eating the soup will take you three steps back.”

Fat Kathy: “But soup is sooo yummy and it’s a little chilly outside! Soup will make you feel so much better.”

New Kathy: “Soup is full of sodium which means it will make you bloated the next few days. It’s not on your menu, don’t do it.”

Fat Kathy: “Don’t listen to her. Your girlfriend is eating soup, you can eat soup too.”

New Kathy: “No, you can’t.”

Fat Kathy: “Yes you can! One little cup won’t hurt!”

New  Kathy: “Yes it will. You’ve had no cheats today, finish strong!”

Fat Kathy: “Aww, just do it already! Have *&!@% the soup!”

New Kathy: “Don’t do it.”

Fat Kathy: “Do it!”

New Kathy: “Don’t do it.”

Fat Kathy: “Doooooo it!”

…. Unfortunately, Fat Kathy won that battle. But for some reason that was the time when I learned that I am struggling between these two mind sets, these two … “people”. It’s so much easier to listen to Fat Kathy because I know who she is, what she looks like, and she is familiar and comforting. New Kathy is … well – NEW! I don’t know what she looks like yet. I can see the progress, but I have never seen or a met a skinny and healthy me before. It’s scarier to listen to some who you are still just getting to know. I am getting to know her better and I am learning to trust her. And Fat Kathy is going to take a while to get rid of because I have known her all my life!!

Sorry, Fatty. Time to kick you to the curb!

I feel like I need to walk around with a sign on my neck that says “Don’t Let Me Eat Anything That Is Not On My Menu”. Even though almost everyone in my life is aware that I am on a healthy path and losing weight, I still get invited to social outings and still have to attend family dinners. It’s definitely not their responsibility to make sure I make the right choice, but my friends and family just don’t know what I am going through. I’m not like them anymore. I can’t just show up at the Olive Garden and order whatever I want off the menu. I can’t meet my girlfriends for cocktails and get the drink with the funniest name. I have to say “No” to the waiter with passed hors’deourves at a party … everytime. I’m on a specific path to a newer, healthier me and that path does not include Seafood Fettucini Alfredo, Sex on the Beaches, or mini crab cakes off a tray!!

This is all about me now, and not anyone else. The New Kathy is here to stay!