I did it!! I made it a whole week with sticking to my meals and NO CANDIES! Yup. That means no chocolate, no hard candies, no diet bars, and definitely no mini butterfingers! It was really hard, but now that the week is over I feel so much more confident in myself and I can actually feel my self-esteem go up. I remember taking my dog through puppy kindergarden and the trainer saying that teaching the dogs tricks helps boost their self confidence. I’m pretty sure this is the same thing. I set a goal and I achieved it, and now I feel great!

I also realized something important today … after 10+ years of the same behavior, I have trained my body to crave food when I get off work whether I am hungry or not. I normally go straight home after work (and hang out in my kitchen), but today I had a quick meeting in downtown Portland and I decided to go to my trainer’s home from there. I was sitting there in traffic, and BAM! All I could think about was eating food. I confidence myself that I was soooo hungry and I just needed a little something to get me ready for my workout. I quickly scanned around for the nearest drive-through or Starbucks, just for a “quick fix”. It was almost like a feeling of desperation and anxiousness. That’s when I realized that I wasn’t .. Even … Hungry. It was the behavior talking. I can only imagine going through this similar feeling when you are an addict or something (I guess on some level I must be addicted to food??). It’s not fun, and I was clearly just setting myself up to fail. In the few seconds I experienced these feelings it was like nothing else mattered except for eating, and I’m glad I caught myself in the act. So I quickly popped a piece of my new DESSERT GUM (thanks Mellie!) and it kicked the craving enough so that I was able to think of something else while sitting in traffic.

….Ok. It’s one thing to gain weight and want to lose it. It’s a whole other thing to battle your own psyche in the ultimate quest to be healthy and change your life. But is there really a different between those two scenarios?? I can’t believe I didn’t start this journy sooner  – I HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO!!

It’s not about losing weight for the wedding anymore. I wouldn’t care if I had to walk down the aisle tomorrow, I would be proud of my body. Now it is about changing my life and the way I think about myself. Yes, it will definitely be rewarding to actually be a bride who loses weight before my wedding day (I can’t believe that is actually going to be me!!), but the real work will start after I say “I do”. Alex and I are preparing ourselves the best we can for a healthy and happy marriage, and what I am leaning is that preparing for our life together starts with bettering ourselves individually. Our relationship is only as strong as the most ‘insecure’ person; we are only as happy as the lesser person is. Getting healthy and bettering myself is not only the best thing I could do for me but for my marriage.

So, I continue on with my baby steps. Thank goodness it’s not the first step anymore, that was the hardest! Now my journey is in full swing and I need to rely on my support system and trainer for guidance. I need to chug my water and stick with my meals. And no matter what I’m gong to stay strong!!

xoxox Kathy